Written By: Nomsa Mkhuma
Growing up Kgomotso had a very wonderful childhood. She grew up with both parents living under the same roof. Her parents seemed very happy, they made sure that they did not fight in front of her because she was a very sensitive child. They gave Kgomotso a very nice lifestyle, the constant toys she received to the regular outings with the whole family. She had everything she wanted and more. Kgomotso was a daddy’s girl and she was wherever her father was. Whether he went to the petrol station to fill up his tank you would find her right next to him on the passenger seat. She was his princess and whatever the princess wanted the princess got.
Everything went downhill when Kgomotso was six years old. Her dad was hardly home. He did not even sleep at home some nights. She saw all this and wondered in her tiny mind what was going on. Her mum is a strong woman. She made sure that her little sister and she were not affected by what was going on. She would put on a brave face and continue on with her day. As for me, I really do not understand why black parents do not sit their young ones down and explain to them what is going or at least prepare them for what is about to happen. Why is it so hard for black parents to communicate with their children? I honestly do not understand.
Kgomotso was a bright young girl and could see that something was not right. Her family moved from where they stayed to another place but her dad did not come along, she was eight years old by that time. Her dad would occasionally come and visit them and bring along some toys with him. She then realised that her parents where no longer together. Fast forward to the year 2006, one afternoon her mother sent her to go fetch her pursue from her hand bag and then she came across a document with both her parents name on it. There it was “divorce settlement”. Her heart sank, her body went numb. She could not control the tears that were running down her face simply because she could not believe it. She was just an eleven year old during that time. She felt that she was old enough to be told about the divorce but why could her parents not sit her down and break down the news to her? Make her understand? How could they divorce without consulting her first? Her life changed after that. The fairy-tale fantasy or whatever idea she had in her mind died instantly. Reality is, happy endings only happen in story books. She on the other hand got n sad one.
Kgomotso’s life went downhill from there. She is now a 22 year old who is suffering from depression because of what her parents did not prepare her for. She has serious issues with her father because she strongly believes that he is the reason behind the divorce but her mother tells her not to dwell on the past but rather focus on the future. Each day she tries to work on whatever issues/anger she has towards her father. In all honestly, I think if her parents had sat her down and told her what was going to happen things would have turned out differently.
Kgomotso then made a promise to herself that she is not going to be like her parents. She going to create open channels of communication with her children. She promises to create a relationship whereby her children can feel free come to her and ask her questions about whatever is bothering them and she also will be able to talk to them about anything that may affect them in anyway. She is going to be a better version of her parents, who knows maybe her story might have a happy ending…
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